Pierdol sie!

Page 19 | 2020-12-26

Dear ic3,

It's Christmas, sort of. I'm currently visiting my parents. It's nice to finally see them again and be able to comfortable talk again (instead of standing on the street with distance).

I've had some crazy dreams. I think because I haven't smoked weed in at least 10 days. Or because on Christmas eve I did DMT - it sort of found me. Becuase this guy was bugging me pretending to care how I was only to find out if I still had some left; which made me think about it non-stop. I of course told him I didn't. It was beautiful but as expected and I realized things I already knew. I kind of feel that I either know everything DMT has to offer or nothing at all. I could feel Jesus' spirit radiating. Afterwards I played guitar. I also started watching "Last Days" by Gus van Sant that evening and a lot of things made sense. I realize I don't right now but that's OK.

That night I dreamt wonderfully. In my dreams my parents were getting married; my mother wore a suit that was kind of a combination between a dress and a suit, since the pants folded like the bottom of a dress. It was dark purple/red (raisin) and my dad's suit was light turquoise. They gave me sheets of paper to draw, but I threw them away in frustration, into the valley. I realized I was actually very happy with their gift and tried to find them down in the valley, but couldn't find all sheets anymore, my dad made a smart remark which made me realize my own stupidity even more and made me more angry and frustrated with myself than I already was. There was a nice cliff and ruins of a civilization resembling our own from the future in the past. I tried to draw them when woke up only to realize I was still dreaming. Then I really woke up and drew them perfectly with my eyes closed, I couldn't with my eyes open.

Last night I dreamt about gold bars stacked under a bridge and a really hot girl showing me pictures of her posing with gold. A femme fatale.

Right now I'm sitting in my parents' living room spending time playing guitar, piano and studying a text by Deleuze. It's good to be alive and doing things I like. I feel like life is really smiling to me but that's because also the last week I've managed to do all things I set out to do: send the necessary emails, made beginnings in new creative projects (like checking locations to film with m4z4l on skates), exercised and got well rested too. I cooked a really nice pasta too.

I'll be visiting m4z4l soon. It's a few hours by train but I'm looking forward to the journey. I packed lightly but also managed to bring my guitar, I feel grown up and independent ready to take over the world. I wish this feeling to bloom into whatever I know I'll be in the future. I'm very grateful for everything, including friends like you, my dear ic3.

Talk to you soon,